[中][ENG]陳曉玲——不止於劇場的療癒 Gabbie Chan, Catharsis Beyond the Theatre

陳曉玲作品《從零開始》Gabbie Chan Hiu-ling’s From Scratch; 舞者Dancer: 陳敏珺 Chan Man-kwan; 攝 Photo: Eric

回想初次看陳曉玲（Gabbie）的作品，是新約舞流的環境舞蹈系列《藝．裳》。當時印象Gabbie是位相當有勁度的舞者。後來她《37ºC》、《交界記憶》及《人間．獨．白II》的演出，又看見了另一種深沉的質感。除了演出，她近年亦擔任編舞並發表了一些作品如《第十六天》及《從零開始》。本年九月她將在「舞蹈新鮮人」的平台發表新作《Lördagsgodis》，她與我分享她的創作歷程。

When I first saw Gabbie Chan Hiu-ling’s performance in Passoverdance’s Site Specific Series, Fabric, she gave the impression of being a dancer with strength. Later, she showed other dark and deep qualities in her performances of 37ºC, Croxxing, and Heaven Behind the DoorII. In addition to performing, in recent years, she has also choreographed, including works such as The 16th Day and From Scratch. She will present her new work, Lördagsgodis, in the coming 'New Force in Motion' Series; she talked about her experiences in my interview with her.

第十六天．半年無眠

The 16th Day - Sleepless Six Months

對談從Gabbie《第十六天》說起，2016年的作品在筆者的腦海已變得模糊。只依稀記得昏暗空間垂吊的燈泡、混雜的電子白噪音，氣氛深沉。

In talking with Gabbie about The 16th Day, my memory of this 2016 work is somewhat blurred. I can only recall a dusky space with a hanging light bulb, a mixture of electronic noises, a dark atmosphere.

起初以為此作只是回應村上春樹《睡》這短篇小說文本，原來Gabbie當時「經歷了非人體所能承受的半年無眠狀態⋯⋯即每一日都是睜開眼度過那廿四小時⋯⋯當習慣了這個無眠的狀態後，便不停地找其他事做。」隨後，她才讀到《睡》。Gabbie提到小說的要點關於我們的價值觀或選擇是由甚麼影響，然後再引伸到《第十六天》這作品。

I once thought The 16th Day was only a response on Haruki Murakami’s short story, Sleep. Yet Chan “was experiencing an inhuman life without sleep for half of a year … living the 24 hours of every day with eyes opened … getting used to this sleepless state and searching for something to do.” Then, she read Sleep. She describes the story as making a point about how our values and choices are affected. From here, she created The 16th Day.

《第十六天》除了回應當時她自己的狀態之餘，亦回應身邊發生的種種。《第十六天》其中一個的主題動作，亦是從她指導的「創意律動」（Creative Movement / CM）課上一名「過度活躍症」（ADHD）學生而來。某天課上，她發現這學生的頭不由自主地抽搐。與其他老師談起時，老師們卻沒有為意這變化。Gabbie開始想像是甚麼令到這學生有這身體反應。那段「好醒」的日子，令她腦袋的引擎無休止地運行。每感知到一事一物，Gabbie也嘗試延伸想像、詰問是受甚麼而影響。

The 16th Day does not only respond to her state, but everything happening around her. One of the movement motifs in The 16th Day comes from an ADHD student in her creative movement classes. She found that on somedays, the student would involuntarily have episodes of head twitching during the lesson. When she mentioned the student’s behavior to other teachers, none of them had noticed it. Chan started to think about what caused the student’s body to react as it did. During her sleepless days, her mind functioned around the clock like a nonstop engine, With every single perception, Chan attempted to figure out and question what was causing this to happen.

經過半年無法入睡的日子，完成這作品之時，持續失眠竟巧合地隨之慢慢改善。

After half a year of sleepless days and nights, her continuous insomnia faded with the completion of the piece.

​攝 Photo: WORLDWIDE DANCER PROJECT

思考．編舞

To Think, to Choreograph

持續失眠時，雖然心智上維持清醒，但身體有沒有改變呢？還是有的。除了變瘦了之外，那半年間身體曾感到麻痺、身體感知（body sensing）差了，「好像著了羽絨般」。對於舞者身體感知差了確是很苦惱，但Gabbie嘗試以另一種方式接納這感覺。她直言現在沒有很渴望跳舞，反而更享受做編舞時資料搜集的過程，「比較喜歡思考多些」。當已找到作為舞者的自己，現在更希望通過編舞「找到另一個自己」。

Although she was mentally awake during her bout of sleeplessness, I asked if there were any changes in her body? Her response was “Yes!”. Other than getting thinner, she once felt paralyzed and had a diminished sensation of her body as if she “were wearing a down jacket”. That weakened sense of one’s body is really distressing for a dancer, but Chan tried to adapt to it. She bluntly acknowledges that she doesn’t long to dance as she did before. Instead, she enjoys the research process when choreographing a work. “I like to think.” As she has already become accomplished as a dancer, she hopes to find another side of herself as a choreographer.

話雖如此，Gabbie近年與個別編舞也有緊密合作，例如周佩韻和黃靜婷。Gabbie欣賞她們有獨特的藝術取向之餘，還十分開放讓不同想法的舞者參與創作過程。合作過程不但見證了她們怎樣發展原有的作品，嘗試和吸納新的元素，還驚嘆她們是怎樣思考的。

Still, Chan works closely with a few choreographers, such as Pewan Chow and Chloe Wong. She appreciates that despite their unique artistic choices, they are very open to different dancers’ opinions during the creative process. In collaboration, Chan sees not only how they develop their original ideas, but also how they try and absorb new elements. She was stimulated by how they think.

在我看來，Gabbie就算當舞者，也是在發掘那個「編舞的自己」。

In my opinion, Chan is discovering her choreographer-self even while she works as a dancer.

思考過後，Gabbie是怎樣將想法融入其舞蹈動作當中呢？她坦言較擅於通過引導舞者進入某些狀態及情緒帶動即興。這方式發掘出來的動作，已經承載著舞者的故事和意義。反而以純粹動作出發，硬套一些意義給這些動作，往往最後也「用不到」在編舞當中。

When thoughts are evoked through research, how does she synchronize these with the movements in her work? She admits that she is better at guiding dancers to improvise according to certain states and emotions. Movements discovered in this way carry the story and meaning of the dancers. On the other hand, even when she gives meanings to pure movements, she finds it hard to put these movements into her choreography

攝 Photo: WORLDWIDE DANCER PROJECT

眼不見而心不思

Out of Sight, Out of Mind

《第十六天》於去年11月的「城市當代舞蹈節」重演，但Gabbie還是較滿意首演時的版本，重演時不太能找回，又或不太想找回當初失眠的狀態。經歷過《第十六天》的創作，她想探索的不再是失眠，而是記憶。她說準確來形容是「眼不見而心不思」的記憶，但她卻形容這說法是不可能的。正因為有段記憶懷在心中，才不想見到該事該物以避免勾起該段回憶。她認為記憶看似可靠卻不可靠，例如：只要說上「我有做」300次就能欺騙記憶並相信「我有做」。「我現在正向這個方向發展：到底某段記憶是否屬於我呢？是否擱在一旁就不會記起呢？眼不見便消失呢？」

The 16th Day was re-run in the City Contemporary Dance Festival last November, but Chan was more satisfied with the original version. She couldn’t find, or didn’t try hard enough to recapture the original state. After creating The 16th Day, she is no longer interested in exploring the topic of insomnia, but instead wants to investigate memory. To be exact, she described it is those memories that seem to be “out of sight, out of mind”. However, she believes that the idea of “out of sight, out of mind” is impossible. When one refuses to see something so as not to recall a memory, it is just because one remembers it. She thinks that memory seems to be reliable but actually is not. For example, if one says, "I have done it,” 300 times, one will believe it and create a false memory, “I have done it. I am developing in this direction: Is it true that a certain memory belongs to me? Will a memory be remembered after setting it aside? Out of sight, then out of mind?” she mused.

Gabbie嘗試搜集人在甚麼情況下會記憶遺失或混亂，繼而看多了失智症患者及因自我防護機制而忘記一些記憶的例子。其中一個她分享的例子：患者某個聖誕節因極度驚慄，身體負荷不到這情緒而刪除了這段記憶。不過，身體還是「記住」了。每逢聖誕節都會有一種無名而來的恐懼感，直到後來求醫才把事情的記憶追遡回來。

Chan looks into how loss or confusion of memory happen and she comes across different examples of patients with dementia and memory loss due to self-protection mechanisms. One example is of a patient who was so startled one Christmas that she could not bear the emotion and deleted its memory. Still, her body “remembers”. Every Christmas, the patient panicked without reason until she sought psychological counseling to trace the memory.

她嘗試將這些情況轉化成動作再呈現於作品當中。

She attempts to transform these investigations into movements and present them in her work.

問到何以對這些「消失」的記憶有興趣？Gabbie再提到創作《第十六天》時找回一些「眼不見」的記憶，而這些是默默影響著她與及對某些事物的看法。逐漸疏理這些記憶時，其實解決了一些自身的問題，因而對這種記憶有興趣。

Why do these disappearing memories interest her? Chan revealed that she recalled some “out of sight” memories during the creative process for The 16th Day. Without realizing it, these memories affected her and her ways of seeing. When these memories were recalled, they resolved some of her problems. That’s why she is interested in them.

而下一齣作品取名《Lördagsgodis》，瑞典語意思為「星期六糖果」。瑞典家庭有不成文規定，星期六是每個星期唯一可以吃糖的日子，小孩們都到糖果店裡選購自己想吃的糖果。這天可說是一週的高潮。有研究指出人吸收太多糖份會影響記憶1。縱使糖果包裝吸引，但卻默默損害牙齒及記憶。同樣地，有些童年回憶即使美好，但同樣暗暗地影響個人的價值觀及想法。

The name of Chan’s forthcoming work Lördagsgodis means Saturday candy in Swedish. Saturday is the only day that Swedish children can buy and eat candies. They will visit the local store and buy a bag of ‘pick and mix’ candy. It is the highlight of the week. Some research has shown that people experience memory loss and reduced memory when absorbing too much sugar1. Candy packages may look lovely and great but they harm one’s teeth and memory. Similarly, some childhood memories may be pleasant but may unconsciously affect our values and thoughts.

陳曉玲作品《第十六天》(2016) Gabbie Chan’s The 16th Day (2016); 舞者Dancer: 伍詠豪 Skinny Ng; 攝Photo: Keith Hiro

​創意律動．藝術治療

Creative Movement, Arts Therapy

Gabbie續說：「這亦回應到我所關心的事，又解釋了為何會開始讀『表達藝術治療』。」她從編舞開始思考自己想做些甚麼，繼而引伸到修讀這課程。九月開始，她將修讀為期三年的表達藝術治療碩士課程。

Chan continues, “This is also related to my concerns and why I will start to study expressive art therapy.” As a result of being a choreographer, she has questioned herself about what she wants to do, and has decided to study a three year Master’s degree program in expressive art therapy starting this September.

她深信人儲存著一切經驗，這些經驗會影響人發展其性格及價值。Gabbie已經在某學校持續教了八年的「創意律動」工作坊。她分享說自己近年對啟發小朋友的創意有興趣。小朋友的創意力會令他們表達許多不能言喻的事給她知。這亦是她覺得有趣之處。她希望透過藝術令小朋友抒解「眼不見而心不思」的記憶，以防日後造成情緒困擾。

She believes that the experiences a person accumulates affect character and values. Chan has been teaching creative movement in schools for eight years. She has shared her recent interest in evoking children’s creativity. Their creativity can tell her a lot of things nonverbally. She finds this interesting. She hopes that art can help children avoid the tactic of pushing memories “out of sight” and prevent them from developing mood disorders.

她認為現在的舞蹈教育應該開發小朋友的腦袋讓他們見到跳舞的另一面。她形容自己是「無路數的老師」。工作坊內，她會因應小朋友的反應而發展課堂的內容。她的「無路數」亦源於小朋友的「太無路數」。她分享這陣子其中一課：先要小朋友玩報紙、躲在報紙下玩耍，然後拿走報紙，引導小朋友想像自己仍在報紙下而動。沒料到有小朋友會說：「她在跳舞呀！他在跳舞呀！」Gabbie發現現在的小朋友已經很開放。對比時下很多課堂還是很著重「舞蹈」，她也想自己更開放一點：「只要小朋友知道他們的身體其實可以動，或者可以動更多，就可以了。」

She suggests that dance education today should open children’s minds and let them see dance differently. She describes herself as an unpredictable teacher. She will develop the lesson according to reactions of the children. She is unpredictable because children are always unpredictable. She shared one of her lessons: children begin playing with newspapers - playing under the newspapers - then the newspapers are removed and the children have to continue moving as if the newspapers were still there. It was surprising that the children exclaimed, “She is dancing! He is dancing!” This reminded her that children are already very open-minded. Compared to current lessons that are still 'dance' oriented, she wishes to be more open-minded as well, “As long as the children know that they can actually move their bodies, or can move them more, that will be good enough.”

Gabbie過去兩年更嘗試聯絡一些學校做試後活動，帶一些「創意律動」工作坊。她寄望未來三年能發展「創意律動」並融合於「藝術治療」，然後能走進學校持續地做相關工作坊，讓學校見證到藝術對學生的影響。

In the past two years, Chan has tried to contact some schools to conduct creative movement workshops as post-examination activities. She hopes to develop creative movement and combine it with art therapy in the coming three years. And she will continue holding creative movement workshops for the schools to let them see how arts can influence students.

對談最後Gabbie分享到回看過去創作，除了《第十六天》外，其實不少昔日作品都反映了一些自小的情緒和壓抑，創作過程同時亦正療癒自己。九月的「舞蹈新鮮人系列」過後，Gabbie未來三年首要或許是先應付學業。雖然未必有來至創作的療癒，但她將在劇場外探索其他的療癒空間。

When the conversation comes to an end, Chan shared that not only The 16th Day, but also others of her works, in fact, reflect her different emotions including depression, and, through the process of creating them, they healed her in different senses. After the 'New Force in Motion' Series in September, Chan may concentrate on her studies over the next three years. Although there may not be catharsis from creation, she will explore other kinds of catharsis beyond the theatre.

1 Alice G. Walton (2017). “Too Much Sugar Linked To Reduced Memory, Brain Volume”, Forbes. https://goo.gl/Mq9Cmm David DiSalvo (2012). “What Eating Too Much Sugar Does to Your Brain”, Psychology Today. https://goo.gl/CqqJTG

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演出資料 Program Detail 「舞蹈新鮮人」系列 ‘New Force in Motion’ Series 陳曉玲 Gabbie Chan Hiu-ling《Lördagsgodis》

舞者 Dancers: 陳樂軒 Chan Lok-hin, 許俊傑 Cyrus Hui 28* - 29/9 (8pm) ; 29 - 30/9 (3pm) * 設演後藝人談 With Meet-the-artist Session 葵青劇院黑盒劇場 Black Box Theatre, Kwai Tsing Theatre 節目詳情 Program Detail: https://goo.gl/AWbdyq